PLUS monthly articles on relationships, trauma and counselling.
Posts Tagged ‘attunement’
Cultivating Self Acceptance
Cultivating Self-Acceptance
So many of us have trouble with self acceptance in this perfectionistic, goal oriented world. Many of us are preoccupied with trying to get approval from others with how we look, producing more, and achieving a predetermined measure of success.
We berate and criticize our actions, expressions, emotions and desires. We feel too much, not enough, too fat, too thin, too busy, too lazy. If only we had not said that or done this then things would be different. We feel responsibility for other people’s happiness and anticipate any conflict as a place to be accused and blamed. When you are challenged or make a mistake it feels like you are falling through the air with no-one to catch you and the failure and unworthiness that you feel about yourself is seen by all. At this point the tables often turn to defending against the shame and we blame and attack back.
The Art of Attunement
For all beginning therapists one of the hardest things to come to terms with is that less is more. It is easy to feel pressured to ‘do’ something to help our client’s suffering. Over the years I have come to appreciate the importance of the skill of attunement and how it is central to a transformative experience.
During the first few years of life the ability of a mother to be attuned to the needs of her infant is crucial to their development. This attunement is important to a child’s ability to learn to regulate their nervous system and deal with distressing events. When a mother consistently fails to be attuned different types of insecure attachment result. One could say that a mother’s attunement is the building block to how one learns to be connected to others, build relationships, and feel safe in the world. This article discusses how the skill of attunement in therapy has similar effects.
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